Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I don't know how or who did the nominating, but I am very appreciative of them. It truly is an honor to be just nominated. I am up against two other doulas who are amazing:) One of us will win the title, but all of us are rockin' doulas who love what we do:) You can vote once and up to 1/3/2011.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
This year I have survived something that broke me into a million pieces. This year I have learned to forgive. This year I have learned to look at things without being too jaded. This year I have learned what I am about and how I deal with "stuff". This year I have been humbled, many times. This year I have learned to love without reservations.
Looking back on my years, I wouldn't change too many things...just two. I won't ever be "okay" with those two things. They have shaped the woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, cousin, friend and doula I am right now.
Life is good. Happy New Decade to Me!!
1) With or Without You--U2...I fell in love with this song in high school & it is "our song"..and Bono's hot!.
2) What Would You Do Today if You Were Brave?--Jana Stanfield...I first heard this song at Camp Jon Marc (when I was a counselor for Camp Muscular Dystrophy). It was played live by Jana & I cried. It made me realize that I am a very strong woman who can overcome with tolerance.
3)When We Dance--Sting...a true love song
4) Margaritaville--Jimmy Buffet...a classic
5) Suspicious Minds--Elvis Presley...another classic
6)Something Like That--Tim McGraw...a catchy tune that makes me think of my "dating" days
7) I Would Die 4 U--Prince, when he was actually Prince. Awesome song!
8) La Belle Dame Sans Regrets--Sting...another love story all in French--amazing song--Sting is another hottie~
9) Friends in Low Places--Garth Brooks...College Days-need I say more?
10) Psalm 23--Temple & Brent...one of my laboring songs for Brian & Liam's births. I originally heard this at a birth I was photographing.
I have alot more but these are my top 10!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
*finish my 2010 item purge with 2011 items out of my house
*decide which baby equipement we are keeping
*talk talk talk about baby #4--notice I didn't say try try try:) LOL
*make an effort to look pretty everyday (hair & some sort of make up)
*sort through my wardrobe & only keep the clothing I feel good in. Everything else has to go.
*make Brian & Liam's Christmas stockings before the 24th of December
*write my 2011 goals and aspirations
*make my own Motivated Moms house blessing checklist
*start walking & excerising again (going to do that today though). You can't complain if you are sitting on your tush
Dreams for my life ahead:
be present, be more kind, listen to my children more, learn to say "No" more efficiently and read as much as I can! I love reading. Oh, be 99% debt free by 2012 (not including our mortgage).
Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
On the bright side, the ones I do have are fabulous! They are film/prints & since my scanner isn't hooked up right-you still don't get to see them.
Now my goal is to get together with my friends, before the end of November, and take that picture.
This is a book I have on request for the library--The Friends We Keep: A Woman's Quest for the Soul of Friendship by Sarah Zacharias Davis. A doula friend discovered it and wants to start a book club with this selection. While I don't know if I will be able to travel for the book club, I am definitely going to read the book.
The link is long since I don't know how to do it any other way:)
Monday, November 1, 2010
Day One: A recent picture of yourself and 15 interesting facts.
I met my husband when I was in 8th grade...had French I with him in 9th grade and we started dating in 10th. It took him a little bit to realize I had a crush on him...we were married in 1994.
One of my best friends I met in 8th grade-she was in 7th. We almost had a fight...think city preppy girl meets cowgirl with attitude.
I knew I would have children, but I didn't know how much I would love it overall. I think we are still thinking about more.
I am not a seasonal decorator. I am not a normal decorator. I think I missed this gene in my family.
I like a clean house. I currently have a messy house. Frustrating.
I am almost to my 2010 items out challenge this year. Next year is 2011. Wowza!
I have Orinthophobia. Especially when they are all flocking together in one location. Just got a shiver right then. Orinthophobia is a fear of birds.
I want to make a quilt and learn to sew. I adore moms like Amanda Blake Soule who make it look so freaking easy. And she has a perfectly clean house...and she has 4 children...ugh.
I love to get my hair cut and colored. I just don't do it since I don't always make the time.
I really like to buy my own birthday presents or give a list. It is so tacky, but the things I desire aren't the obvious choices. An Example is the Mothering 2011 calendar...who would think to buy that for a birthday gift??
I love my friends. They are very dear to my heart.
I have a strong desire to birth in the water.
I could easily be a vegetarian, but I could never give up candy.
I made a 4.0 GPA in my master's program. I enjoyed being a student and would go back to get another degree, but I don't want to retake the entrance exams.
I failed Algebra I in high school and had to retake it the following sememster with a full class of flunkees. Summer school isn't like the movie Summer School.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
My angel baby was my second--we found out in week 13 the baby died very early on. My body failed to recognize that the baby wasn't supposed to be there. Week 15 started an induction which almost worked. It was hard and very sad, but my first non medicated labor and birth. It was again all in my back.At week 16, I was in an OB's office with a manual scraping of my uterus.
Brian's birth was my third--I selected birthing at home with a midwife. He was ready at 39 weeks 4 days...almost 25 hours from first contraction to him in my arms. Perfection.
Liam's birth was my fourth--I selected birthing at home with a midwife again. Expection of perfection and receiving something different. While my baby was perfection, his birth was not. Week 42 started and so did my labor...It was rushed, full of stress, full of questions and no answers and everything I never wanted. Upon review of my hospital records-it was a succesful cesarean birth. Upon having all my records reviewed by an independent midwife-who knew nothing of my pregnancy, labor & birth--it was still a successful cesrarean birth. This particular midwife wouldn't have transferred me though. I hired a midwife who had my best and my baby's best interest at heart. According to her, it was a needed transfer. It just pierces mine that his birth was rough and not the gentle beginning I wanted and prayed for.
Whether it was warranted or not--well, it will always be up in the air and I will never know. In my heart, it wasn't. In my head, it wasn't. Everyone else tells me it was. I don't have to move on, move forward or do anything. I won't ever lose my voice again. I am healing one day at a time. I still cry, I still am angry and I still regret many things. I don't regret my son nor the delight he shares with me daily.
Maybe it was supposed to be like this and maybe if I would have stayed home, I wouldn't have this beautiful, perfect child of God. Maybe I would...I'll never know and that is very difficult to understand.
"Maybe as we heal, share and support our views of birth can change as a whole. Women will realize they have choices and listen to their inner voices of what they can really experience. We can heal. We can let go of our fears. We can listen to our innate. We can experience the most amazing, unexplainable moments of our lives." ~BWF Blog
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
So here is my life in a nutshell~
- I have too many pictures being held hostage in my digital camera and on my hard drive. I do normally back them up, but uploading & getting them printed has not been a priority. I feel guilty since I hardly have any pictures of Brian out. Liam has one that is visible. I really need to focus on getting them printed and sorted.
- I really can't stand mopping my floors. I have a great steamer mop & it cleans fabulously, but it is one more thing to have to do. On the other hand, I need my floors cleaned since Liam is all over them.
- I started the Motivated Moms organizer program for household chores. It seems that 3 children distract me & I forget what I am supposed to do. This list helps remind me of the daily things and the not so daily items (like wiping down the bottom shelf of the fridge). It is a very helpful idea that I am glad that I spent $4 on.
- I trying hard to purge 2010 items from my house this year. I am at 1562 right now.
- Children's clothing is killing me slowly. I can't keep up with donate, store for baby #4, trash or keep for Brian/Liam. Seriously, it is sucking the life out of me on a daily basis.
- I have been menu planning for the entire month at a time & grocery shopping two weeks at a time. It has helped me with my budget tremendously. I prepare dinner 5 out of the 7 nights in a week. I do my best to prepare with real ingredients & not from a box.
- I am very, very thankful for being able to be at home with my children. I went back to work part time when Grayson was 2.5 years & when Brian was 6 months old. While money is extremely tight & many months we go without alot of extras--I feel my family benefits with me here. I only work with my doula clients (averaging about 10 a year) and at a church nursery.
- This one makes me pause...even though I am 7 months postpartum from Liam's birth-it still breaks my heart to think about how he entered our world. I did everything "right" and his birth was not the gentle beginning we prayed for. I haven't found God's grace in accepting this and his birth story still makes me cry. I have come to the conclusion that I don't have to like his birth though, but I pray that one day I will have peace in my heart.
- I love being the mom of three boys. I never thought I would have boys, but now I can't imagine life without them.
- Liam is a beautiful, spirited baby and I am very grateful and blessed to have him in my life. I can't imagine life without him. He breastfeeds with ease and I am very humbled by this. While his birth was hell, nursing has been a literal Godsend to me. I don't think we would be where we are without this opportunity. I will never take breastfeeding for granted.
- Brian is wild, imaginative, loud, gentle, talkative, loving, shy and did I already say LOUD?? all wrapped into one. I need to be more intune with him and get down on his level more. This time is going by too quickly~ I don't want to miss too much by not slowing down...
- Grayson is so very kind, thoughtful, intuitive, inquisitive and growing up too quickly. He will be ten in a few short months. I keep thinking that we will only have him living with us for another 8 or 9 years and then he is off to college. I don't know what I will do without him. He has brought so much happiness and love to our family.
- I pray that we accept God's guidance in if we have one more child and the grace to accept the birth this child may have.
- I actually like my husband. He drives me crazy and I get angry--but he is who I want to see at the end of the day. He makes my heart happy!
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I stink at keeping up with my blogs!
The important stuff:
Liam is 6 months old, has 4 teeth & 3 more on the way, crawls, sits, blows raspberries, pulls up, furniture cruises (just a step or two) and has finally learned to sit down gently instead of plopping & whacking his head--ouch!
Grayson is 9.5 years old, has some of his teeth and waiting for more to fall out, started 4th grade this past August, is crazy, loud, but not as loud as Brian, funny, loves golf, smart, into Harry Potter, gems, stones and science stuff and reading. We've been riding bikes to school and it is a fun way to get a bit of excerise early in the morning.
Brian is 3.5 years, has all his teeth, started nursery school again--2 days a week, is LOUD, active, crazy and sweetness all rolled into one. He will get evaluated for speech therapy towards the end of the month...he's doing some deletions & substitutions.
I'm doing SOO much better with the postpartum depression issue. I mailed the OB who performed Liam's cesarean birth a letter & told her that her bedside manner sucked. I haven't heard back though:) LOL I've gone full force into the birth doula world and have had 7 clients in the past 3 months. I'm changing church nursery jobs and hoping to expand my doula business a bit more this upcoming year.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
I did have an anxiety & stressful week during week 40...just knowing that every night I would wake up & have to labor. I lost a lot of sleep over it & looking back--it wasn't worth it. I now go to bed with the intention of being pregnant in the morning & getting some decent shuteye. Much better plan.
So anyways, the baby will be here at one point. You'll just have to wait along with us!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Elizabeth is truly a wonderful photographer and a delightful person to know.Here is the link to my maternity pictures
This was the best way I could have celebrated this upcoming birth! I am so happy that I wasn't afraid of how big my belly was to have these taken.
THANK YOU Elizabeth!! You made my night!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
We planned a waterbirth with both Grayson & Brian, but for one reason or another, we weren't able to do it with their births. I have told my midwife, doula & husband that for THIS baby I am to push in the water. If I feel like getting out, that is my call.
A friend typed up a beautiful labor prayer and I am going to post that for all to read. If you ever get a minute, please pray it for our family...
My Labor Prayer
Lord, thank you for giving this new life to Dale and I
As I work to bring this child into our arms I ask the following:
Let my labor be uncomplicated, and help to me to put my trust in your design of my body to deliver this baby.
Give discernment to those who are attending me.
Give me energy and peace.
Give me comfort when it hurts.
Help me to allow your presence at the birth by reminding me that this process of labor is a form of prayer and worship and designed by you, it is not just pain with no purpose.
And since I am asking for things Lord, here are a few more bonus requests:
I ask for a labor that I can be an active part of and be able to tolerate with with joy.
I ask everyone will get here in time.
I pray that Dale will be at peace.
I ask that I won’t have any need to transfer and can have the home birth I desire.
I ask that my older children will adjust and love their new sibling.
Most of all I ask that our baby will be healthy and that we are prepared to raise another child to grow to love You, no matter what happens at this child’s birth.